Breakdown

12th July 2008, the date I'd started to blog.. Mainly due to a huge breakdown I just had.. Yeah it was love, and partly my studies.. After being attached to someone for such a long time, it's sure hard to let go.. What stings the most is knowing that the other party has moved on, and all that's left is you holding on, all by yourself, all alone. I wouldn't blame love entirely for screwing up my studies, cause after all I couldn't control myself, I couldn't set my priorities, I got caught up in love too much, and fell too hard..

And you know the things they said about dreams, where dreams are what you really want.. Well I started to believe in it when God started using movie maker in my brain.. My dream wasn't the '2 lovers running to each other from opposite ends and hugged' kinda dream.. It was just something simple, not some fairytale dream.. Just being treasured.. That's all..

I did all I could, in fact I'd done everything.. But it'd never worked, despite how much I tried. And the best part of love is, you tell that person you hate her, but deep down inside you loved her that much.. When you rage, you tell that person to go away and leave you alone, but your hearts wants him/her to comfort you and sooth your anger. What an oxymoron eh?

Tomorrow will be another day I rise from bed wondering would there be an earthquake to spice the morning, or would it be just another plain sunny/cloudy/rainy day.. I need to get my life sorted out.. I guess it's time for me to overcome this breakup and stand up again.. 'We fall so that we learn to lift ourselves up again'.. Guess it's time for me to put those words into actions..

I won't be smiling as how I am in the picture.. The most I could do is let out a friendly smile.. I won't be as cheerful as I am anymore.. I've lost my will to be a joker, to be a 'sohai', or phrases my friends used to say to me like 'you damn fucker larh'.. And if 'you' would ever happen to come across this blog.. When you'd texted me while I was blogging, I smiled when my phone showed '1 new text messaged'.. And then got hurt again when you said I did not appreciate your concern.. And finally let out a sigh-ing smile, knowing that you could never prove my words wrong.. Never not because you couldn't, but because you don't want to.. And long shall I wait to be proven wrong.. And to you ladies out there, my heart is still locked.. Yeah, she still has the key to my heart.. And it'll be long before that key slips off her hands..

*Kk*