Back

I never guessed that I would be back blogging again. And yeah that means I'm all emotional and down again. I really hoped that this blog would be dead for good. But guess happily ever after ain't a good friend of mine.

If you had the chance to return to the past, and change something. Would you do it? Have you ever wondered how things would be if you'd manage to take back the things you'd done? Would it really be for the better? Do you believe that 1 day could actually change your whole life? It did for me, not in 1 day, but in 1 hour.

I've lost something very important in my life, her. And I'd really wanna go back and make up for the wrongs that I've done. I'd always wondered, if I didn't do this, she'd still be here. If I'd been a better guy, she wouldn't had left. And then it struck me, if I manage to keep her around me, would that make me a better person? And if I would to hurt her again, wouldn't all that I could do is hope to return to the past and make things better? And hey, isn't that back where it all started?

The 5 states of grief, Denial Anger Guilt Depression Acceptance, all came to me as a whole, in 1 hour. When things are bad, we tend to go for the easiest way out, which is to deny. And along the way comes anger and guilt. Once everything is out, it was time for depression. Knowing that there is no other way around the problem, we finally gotta accept.

As much as I'd reached the acceptance state, deep down in me lies denial and guilt. For I know I'm much a better person compared to who I am now. For I'm sorry for ever giving her such a hard time. For I'd failed to keep my promises. However something important had been left out from the picture. Hope. With hope then comes Strength and Will. And these 3 in hand would finally lead on to Birth.

I practically don't know which state I'm in. And I would say ALL of them if it's even possible. But I guess Birth is the dominant one. For today begins a new day, for me, for how things would go, and for how I'm gonna start winning her back.