I'm confused. I'm lost. And I really don't know what to do. About a month has passed, and the pain hasn't lessen a single bit. My emotions are messy, the thoughts in my head are driving me nuts. I don't know what to follow anymore, my heart, or my mind.
The decisions I've made throughout this time frame. Right or wrong I do not know. It's surprisingly how easily my heart would change its mind. Must I do what's best? Or should I do what my heart wants? I just don't know.
I made some decisions that are unnecessary in the eyes of others. But those decisions were made because I feel that I needed them. But nevertheless the disagreements has its right reasons as well. At times I seek other people's agreement, the feeling where they understand the decisions you made because they've been through it as well. But on the other hand, I couldn't help but to agree also on the criticism the others had given me. It made me realized stuffs, and made me doubt my decisions.
How much is this gonna continue bothering me I have no idea at all. How long before I can be the usual me? Is that usual me still there? I went off the grids for a reason, and now I'm back cause.. I don't even know why I'm back. I wanna explain my reasons, but doing so would make it feel as though as.. Sigh.
I wanna cry. But the tears won't flow out. My heart's aching so so badly every time this matter is brought up. And it's not like I don't want anyone to ever bring up this matter. Instead I'd prefer if they did. I don't know what I'm typing. And I don't know what I'm thinking either.
My heart doesn't wanna take the 1st step, it'd prefer to be led on. But conscious tells me that the better is to take that very step. I wanna burst. I seriously wanna tear, and tell everything out. To her, and to my friends. Perhaps I should, perhaps I shouldn't. So what should I do? Heart or Mind?
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